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Ronan Condon
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| once upon a time in the kingdom of heaven god went missing for seven days. eventually, michael the archangel found him. he enquired of god "where were you?" god breathed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds. "look son, look what i'm after making". archangel michael
looked puzzled and said "what is it?" god replied "it's another planet, but i'm after putting life on it. i've named it earth and there's going to be a balance between everything on it. for example, there's north america and south america. north america is going to be rich and south america will be poor, and the narrow bit joining them will be a hot spot. now look over here i've put a continent of whites in the north and another one of blacks in the south." then the archangel said "what's that green dot there?" "ahhh, that's the emerald isle," god said, "that's a very special place. that's going to be the most glorious spot on earth, beautiful mountains, lakes, rivers, streams and exquisite coastline. these people here are going to be great crack and they're going to be found travelling the world. they'll be playwrights and poets, singers and songwriters and i'm going to give them this black liquid, which they're going to go mad on, and for which people will come from the far corners of the earth to drink." michael the archangel gasped in wonder and admiration, then seemingly startled, he said, "hold on a second, what about balance, you said there was going to be balance..?" god replied wisely, "wait until you see the wankers i'm putting next door to them!!
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